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May 21 2018

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Reposted byfutureiscomingtytekNayu


“ always on your phone, it’s like you can’t live without that thing I was never like that”

“Im not addicted to my phone like you stupid kids”

Yeah its stupid, I mean my phone is how I cope with hyper-vigilance, trauma, chronic pain and extreme anxiety but yeah just call me a social media addicted kid and make fun of how I’m always on my phone.

Its not the 50s anymore. Phones arent scary and insulting someone who is always on their phone without knowing why isnt cool or funny, its ignorant.

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Reblog if you're a Slytherin.





did I ever tell you guys how I lost the most overtly religious friend I’ve ever had because she insisted I was hellbound over a pair of jeans

apparently not by your reactions SO let’s talk about emily 

emily was catholic and found it really, really important that you knew that

she was discrete for the most part (sign of the cross before meals and blushing when the lord’s name was said in vain sorts of things) but she had a habit of berating people for politely declining her invitations to her church services and was sort of a pain in the ass about it at times but that’s beside the point 

we were friends for about two and a half years

and then she borrowed a pair of my jeans.

now these jeans 

were not just any pair of jeans 

they were lucky brand jeans and the nicest jeans I owned at the time, but I was always cool with letting people borrow things when they really needed them 

so this fateful day rolls around and emily is freaking out because she tore her skirt (as in straight up the back, mortifyingly torn) while we were out for coffee waiting for her other friend to pick her up because she was going on a weekend trip with this other friend’s (even more religious) family and her only other option was a pair of starchy pants that would absolutely suck to sit comfortably in for a five hour drive

so I do what any good friend would do and give her the extra pair of jeans I have in my car

which are my luckys

now I didn’t think anything of it and just assumed I’d done a great service here right 

but flash forward three days 

and she comes back 

and doesn’t say 


just hands me the jeans 


and walks away 

so naturally I’m like??????????

so she proceeds to send me a text the next day saying that I made her look horrible to her friend’s mom because she nicely offered to wash the jeans before returning them and that’s right around the time I remember that Lucky brand jeans  have a lovely little note on the fly


they look like this

and then you unzip them and


so that’s the story of how my catholic friend stopped talking to me because I accidentally tainted her social life with my subtle sexual vicious trollop jeans 

That is both terrible, and absolutely fucking hilarious

Imma go with straight up hilarious





One of your polyship members is an witch and drops mad hints but they make dumb jokes about it all the time because they are extra TM and no one buys it/cares.


@majordetectiveagent yes please!

Magic wont let her tell them directly but she really wants them to know. So she makes jokes and puns all the time, but all she gets is Maggie hiding her bike and replacing it with a broom.

Then she starts making increasingly obvious displays of magic where they can see her, but she’s a Lane so of course she would be able to get that reservation on five minutes notice, or maybe the army taught her to dye that one blazer a completely different color since the last time they saw it. When she shows up to breakfast with fresh pastries from a bakery in france and Kara denies involvement, Alex assumes she asked Clark for a favor.

Then Lucy gets hurt on the field and her girls try to make her stay behind and get treated, but the wound is minor enough that Lucy can use magic to fix it. She is very confused when neither Maggie nor Alex react other than to roll their eyes and call her stubborn.

“But- but i’m a-”

“Luce, I grew up in a farm in Nebraska. Magic is nothing I havent seen before, and I used to haggle with witches every fall in order to get the best vegetables for my grandma’s cooking. As long as we didnt take candy from them, it was all good.”

“And you?”

“Pfft. I grew up rooming with an alien. You’re not weirder than she is and you’re a lot less maintenance. Well. Mostly”




me when im working on something: oh i am so fucking genius,

me looking at the completed work: absolute fucking garbage who allowed my hands to make this

me coming up with concepts and ideas: this is so fucking good wtf

me actually having to work on it: what kind of fucking bullshit 

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character development


I love his response about how he’s more informed now.

“Now I’m in a higher grade, I read more books, and get more information about stuff.” This is literally all we’re asking of the bigots, but they’re apparently incapable of the development a seven year old is.

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Katie McGrath as Lena Luthor | Supergirl 3.19 “The Fanatical” Scene

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It’s a pity they didn’t cast Ryan Reynolds as Jay Gatsby, since he’s both the green lantern and deadpool…

what the fuck kind of mutant ass pun bullshit is this






ok so there’s a game me and my friends play called “don’t get me started” and basically someone gives another person a random topic and they have to go on an angry rant about it and it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to us at parties and car rides so I highly recommend playing sometimes with your friends

I love this idea. We used to do things like this in Improv.

Related game: “THINK ABOUT IT.” You’re given a random topic, and your job is to build it into an epic conspiracy theory, the crazier the better. You end your rant with a serious face and the command that your listeners “Think about it.” 

Another related game: Illuninati. Similar to Think About It except you are given 2 completely different topics and you have to connect them to each other in a wild conspiracy rant

Rb to safe an awkward hang out





You’re all monsters

even her?

No!!! Of course not!!!! She’s wonderful!

you fool!!









Please don’t ever let anyone shame you for attending.

Do yourself a favor. Save money

no seriously. my biggest regret is going to a 4 year university when what i want to do doesn’t really require a college degree at all. and now i’m stuck with thousands in loans.

It is More than okay!!!! Please go

You can go to a community college to get your lower division coursework done and then transfer to a four year to finish your degree. The best part is once you go to community college it wipes the slate clean, so if you had bad grades in highschool they wont matter, as long as you do well in community college.

And if college isn’t for you, that’s absolutely okay, too. Skilled trades pay super well and trade schools are very affordable.

If you live somewhere like where I grew up…

Going to a community college or trade school doesn’t mean you won’t be able to leave where you grew up. It’s not going to trap you there. It’s not proving those people right. You can still get out. You don’t have to give up on that.

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twitter canceled








I’m going to save up for a new motorcycle by running a scam where I bet straight dudes at bars twenty bucks that I can get a girl’s number in under five minutes and then politely walk up her and say, “I just bet that asshole twenty bucks that I could get your number. I’ll split it with you if you pretend to laugh like I just said a good pick up line and then write a fake number on my hand.”

Like, I never understood those kind of bets in those shitty teen movies. Everybody loves being part of a scheme, man. Use your head.

If anyone ever does this to me I’ll call them out on being a con artist.

Joke’s on you, buddy. That’ll only have consequences the first, what, couple dozen times? I can take a punch.

But then eventually, I’ll have money for the bike, and whenever I get called out, I’ll just speed off, and, sure, maybe I crash and die in a gutter and the police can’t figure out why I have hundreds of fake phone numbers stuffed in my jacket and it launches a huge investigation that becomes sort of a local legend, but you know whose problem that is? Not fucking mine.

Because I’m a slutty motorcycle ghost, and who’s gonna’ stop me then? The ghost cops? Nice try. Everybody knows cops can’t become ghosts because they just go straight to hell. It’s basic math.

Moral of the story, don’t be a con artist or you will die in a horrible accident and become a lonely ghost.

First of all, don’t you ever accuse me of having morals, narrative or otherwise, ever again.

And second, where did I say I’d be lonely? I’d be a ghost on a motorcycle. That’s the sexiest thing that there is. You look me in the eyes and tell me you wouldn’t bone Ghostrider. Look me in the goddamn eyes.

this has been ghost written by dave strider himself

Mean but fair.


don’t let anyone born in the 2000s tell you shit

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